when u hurt ur boob
imagine reading a book of all the lies you’ve told
IDK what kind of lives you all are leading, but this sounds like the boringest shit. “Yes I sent that email.” “Yeah, I like your outfit.” “I was sick.” “My mom said no” “No I wasn’t crying.” “Yes I read the Terms of Service”
what about a book of all the lies people have told you
Oh how the tables have tabled
Tables have tabled
today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket
today on satan makes a blog post
honeymoon is an interesting term because an actual moon made of honey would imply space bees which is pretty horrifying
the smarter u are the more men arent funny
My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
the pizza guy spelled domino’s wrong
your mums pregnancy scan was basically your first nude