Sunday, August 31, 2014
"American man"

I can’t even

"American man"

I can’t even

officialnoot:

why does this have so many notes

officialnoot:

why does this have so many notes

keelahsomethigh:

when u hurt ur boob

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parzival221:

shak1ra:

redevoted:

bowserfucker:

oknope:

imagine reading a book of all the lies you’ve told 

IDK what kind of lives you all are leading, but this sounds like the boringest shit. “Yes I sent that email.” “Yeah, I like your outfit.” “I was sick.” “My mom said no” “No I wasn’t crying.” “Yes I read the Terms of Service”

what about a book of all the lies people have told you

Oh how the tables have tabled

Tables have tabled

sexyseventhgrader:

a headline I wasnt prepared to read

sexyseventhgrader:

a headline I wasnt prepared to read

(Source: parskis)

poshxspice:

subject13fringe:

montypythonandtheholyblog:

today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 

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today on satan makes a blog post

neptunain:

honeymoon is an interesting term because an actual moon made of honey would imply space bees which is pretty horrifying

(Source: memewhore)

toxicwinner:

the smarter u are the more men arent funny 

itsmydarkesthour:

hippies-like-us:

kuneria:

Bob Ross soothes and calms and makes me happy like nothing else I’ve ever known.

Fun fact: Bob Ross was a Marine drill sergeant for several years, but quit because he didn’t like yelling at people.

(Source: kunerias-huge-dick)

mrshudsoniamnotgay:

esm398:

jakebumlick:

pika-brew:

pika-brew:

My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.

The guy said sure.

So we decided to leave a nice little note
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and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!

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oMGGGG

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pizza cares

Pizza understands

the pizza guy spelled domino’s wrong

makochantachibanana:

theblogofeternalstench:

I didn’t want to go to an engagement party, so I was asked to babysit my sister’s ridiculous dog instead.

you’ve made the right choice

mr-egbutt:

taggedugly:

your mums pregnancy scan was basically your first nude

#wrapped the umbilical cord around my head like *couture*

(Source: cumrn)